Dear Woolworths

Stop trying to make me use your crappy “self serve” checkouts.

I noticed you installed them a few months back. A few weeks ago, out of curiousity, I tried it.

It was just that: a curiousity. My experience went as follows:

  1. I was reminded of my first job as a checkout operator, which I utterly detested. It was with your company, actually, at the Big W in Darwin. Your managers there were incompetent and mean-spirited. I guess they got promoted to head office. I do not see doing a job I hate for free as progress.
  2. I am out of practice. A normal checkout operator is much faster and has a good idea of efficiently packing the bags.
  3. You still needed someone to verify my credit card signature. This took longer than it would at a normal checkout. No, I will not use a credit card PIN. I happen to like the additional legal protection the signature gives me.

So basically you want me to provide free labour, waste more of my own time and get crappy service from a grumpy curmudgeon (me). No bloody thanks.

It’s obvious you’re really keen on these machines. Today you closed the express checkouts so that I would either have to queue up with the trolleys or go through your stupid, rubbish, useless, dodgy, crappy, dumb, time-wasting, moronic, transparently grasping self-serve aisles. I chose to queue with the trolleys.

I noticed today that your competitors at Coles haven’t installed these machines. Indeed their express checkouts were fully staffed. And so, from now on, I will refuse to purchase my groceries at Woolies. I will be buying my petrol at Shell. I will be avoiding Dan Murphy’s and Dick Smith.

You, the Board and Executives of Woolworths, are a pack of wankers. I hope to see you resigning or being sacked with no bonuses. Thereafter I will look forward to the news that you are all rotting in a special hell where you are required to torture yourselves.

Yours Sincerely,

An ex-customer.

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